Dreamy's Bath Day
-by Mark Pennington
I wanted to tell you about my two footer who just had the gall to take me into the bathroom and unceremoniously drench me in what he called "a bath". I know I am new to this whole cat/two foot relationship thing, but I tried to tell him over and over that I was much more than capable of bathing myself, thank you very much. This is the problem, this two foot can’t seem to understand simple kitten speak. I use small words and even will say them quite loudly to try to make him understand, but so far he only understands when I tell him to turn on the faucet for me to drink or to feed me.
Back to this "bath" thing. I really like sitting on the side of that thing they call a "tub" and especially like the thing that water comes from. I like to watch the water and dab my foot gently into it, but I was not expecting this two foot to pick me up and sit me down in a whole "tub" full of it. He made some loud comment that I didn't understand when I tried to get out of the tub using the handy ladder that he provided with his arm. I was able to get partway up this ladder until the flesh started shredding a little too much. I sat back down in the water to try to explain further why I wanted to provide my own cleaning. This brought the other cats in our house to watch what all was going on; I am not sure what they were saying as I could not hear it over their squeals of laughter.
Now at this point he added some substance that was very slippery this was good and bad. Good for me because I found I could slip the surly bonds of porcelain and attach myself firmly to his chest, bad for him because, well, because I could attach myself firmly to his chest *wicked kitty grin*. Anyway, after much splishing and splashing and my ummm... "dissatisfied comments" he removed me and began rubbing me all over with some big white blanket, he called a "towel". Now I ask you, have you ever had a 6' monster, wrap you up in some great big blanket and rub your fur every which way but the right way? My tongue always rubs my fur the exact right way, that's what I kept trying to tell him. Just let me do this my way!
Now if that was not bad enough, he sat down on the floor with a very loud wind blowing machine and stuck me in the midst of this whirlwind. Whiskers and fur blown all different directions *sigh* all I could do was hide my head and wait for this to all end.
After he had finished ruining my day he brought me to the "Big Bed" where he had my very favorite treat, chicken. Now I have to tell you, even though I was not happy with the entire "tub" experience, the chicken made me feel better and you know, for the most part that two foot fellah is not all that bad. If I could just get him to understand what I am saying.